Seven Days of Sex

Well, as usual, Bob was flipping zippity, dippity through the channnels during a commercial the other night and settled on the TV guide channel. I have learned that men do this just to make sure they have not been bamboozled into watching an inferior program. I really have no idea what might be inferior to Swamp People, Gator Hunters, Warring over Storage Buildings, Pawning So I Can Gamble In Vegas, and Really Strange Looking Exterminators. (I have actually formed an attachment to the Exterminator and the Duck Dynasty, but that's our little secret.) Anyway, my Sweetie calls me into his viewing area and says "Wait until the channels flip through again and check out this show on Lifetime." And I must admit that I was intrigued. The name of the show was Seven Days of Sex. It seems the premise is that you can fix your marital problems by having sex seven days in a row. I was a little leary of having a conversation on this topic. I assumed the love of my life that I have known for for over 35 years was going to suggest that at our advanced age we should get with the program. But there was nothing to fear because this was his take on the show: "Maybe they ought to try for Sex one Day a Week for Seven Weeks - or One Day a Month for Seven Months - or even One Time a Year for Seven Years. You have to love such a romantic soul as that. But I will say that one of those programs has definitely helped us through 33 years of wedded bliss. (But most likely it has just been his sense of humor cause he gets these really, really cute laughlines at his eyes when he laughs.)

You call it what??!!

You insert your contacts and right away you groan and moan because you feel a tiny fleck of crap(that's the technical term for anything until you know for sure what it is) in your eye and you try the old "rub it and roll it" out of the corner of your eye. It keeps aggravating you and you go to the bathroom to see if you can do a better job destroying the alien in your eye by looking in a mirror. WHOA!!! How did this happen? Seems it should take longer than 2 minutes for your eye to go from it's normal reddish look......Okay, let me digress; the kids back in the day said I had stoner eyes because of their red appearance - Now I'm told they got this way because they have been deprived of oxygen for long periods; all those days I slept to noon might be the culprit...... to an eye that looks like red jello! I know right away this is what the Doc will diagnose as pink eye. And that's just what he did, along with double ear infections and sinusitus. So here I am seven days and four prescriptions later and it doesn't feel like a little piece of crap in my eye anymore. It feels like the sandman left sandpaper in my eyes and I've had to wear the roughness down blink by slimy blink. I've taken Zpak for the sinus, pills for the fever and eye pain, drops for the ears and drops and more drops for the eyes. Now we're ADDING more pills and drinking buttermilk for the swollen tonsils and white patches. I must admit the sandpaper has worn down pretty well and the drainage is bearable unless I try to read (and let me just say that there is no way to adjust your glasses where the letters come into focus with pink eyes) or look at the computer screen. I can also walk from my bed to the bathromm with my eyes glued shut. I don't know when this will completely clear up...I've read on the internet maybe 2 to 3 weeks. I pray not! And please join me in that prayer. The only thing I can't figure out is WHY DO THEY CALL THIS PINK EYES? IT'S RED EYES!!And I've got pictures to prove it.

Do I diet?

To look at me you would probably think that I never diet or try to eat healthy. WRONG!! I've done such a good job of eating healthy that I've lost 3 lbs. in six months. The nurse at the doctor's office was impressed. (You can probably picture in your mind how big she was!). I have to confess that my regular intake of calories is pretty high, but when I go all out and get exactly the snack I'm craving the calorie count can explode. The best snack ever is one Snickers Candy Bar, one bag of Ranch Doritos, and one 20oz Pepsi. I was having this glorious snack (first time in over a year) on the way home from the doctor's office yesterday. Remembering that I had lost 3 lbs, I decided to add up the calories in my "Super Snack. One snickers, 240 calories, one 20 oz. Pepsi, 250 calories, and one bag of Ranch Doritos, 525 calories. Total intake: 1015 calories. I decided to leave an ounce of Pepsi in the bottle and a few chips in the bottom of the bag; surely I was on diabetic/heart attack/obesity overload. And I realized that if I was on a 1200 calorie a day diet there would only be 185 calories left for the remainder of the day. And while it did take 45 minutes to eat this particular snack (compared to my usual 5 minutes to consume a bowl of Blue Bell) it made me think about what the life lesson was in this and how I should apply it to my life. My solution - go ahead and finish the bottle of Pepsi and the bag of chips - what's another 60 calories? Life is short. And snacks make life super good.

Worthy is the Lamb

Easter Sunday our choir sang "Worthy is the Lamb"; a super awesome song by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. Later, as we traveled to my sister's home I was singing the song and remarked to my sweet hubby "I could sing that song forever" and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized that one eternal day I will do exactly that. Just listen to these words: Thank You for the cross, Lord. Thank You for the price You paid. Bearing all my sin and shame, in love You came and gave amazing grace. Thank You for this love, Lord--- Thank You for the nail-pierced hands; Washed me in Your cleansing flow. now all I know is Your forgiveness and embrace. Worthy is the Lamb,, seated on the throne. We crown you now with many crowns, You reign victorious. High and lifted up---Jesus, Son of God, the treasure of heaven crucified; Worthy is the Lamb, Worthy is the Lamb, Worthy is the Lamb

Tonight's story is a bit off color. But let me set the scene. Picture me curled up with my legs under me as I cradle my sweet, sleeping grandbaby in my arms. I know the rest of you never do this, but sometimes I pass gas, cut the cheese, step on a barking spider, or toot. I do not fart. That is most unladylike. Tonight was such a night. I blew a toot. I did this while in the above mentioned position. There was just no time to uncurl my legs, throw down the baby and make haste to the bathroom. (You know that's what I always do when the barking spider wants to howl.) My sweet, dear husband, who is a smidge hearing-impaired, asked "Was that her?" Being the super example of grandmother and loving wife that I am I told him "yes". I don't know what was funnier - that he couldn't hear how obviously loud the toot really was(it was just like my Mama's if that helps you picture it better)....or funny because he thought our grandbaby was capable of a "tooter-rooter" (that's what I call her toots cause she is so cute even her toots have to have a cute name)of that duration and sound quality. I did confess and set the record straight after enjoying the look of proud amazement on his face. Oh, the things we grandparents can be proud of.

pinterest

I decided to look on Pinterest and check out my recipe board. Surely I could find something on there that I could fix for our supper. And lo and behold, I did have lots and lots of recipes on there that looked amazingly good. But, alas, if I want something besides chicken or potatoes I will have to pull out the old cookbooks. I have recipes for fried chicken, baked chicken, cheesy chicken, cornflake chicken, chicken this and chicken that. I can crunchy up potatoes, cover'em with Ranch dressing, bake them twice, fill'em with cheese, slice them this way and that. However, if I want something tasty to go with my chick and tater I will have to expand my horizons. Wait a minute - problem solved - I just remembered I have a desserts board. That's one of the food groups isn't it? Well, it should be the number one major food group. Just saying........

Morning View

This is the church behind my house.  Can you see what type animal is perching on the roof and the steeple?  That's right - our friendly neighborhood buzzards.  This is only about half of the group that gathered to worship every morning last week. All three peaks were covered.  (they may be there again this week, but I'm scared they have moved to my rooftop so I haven't checked.)
Everyone that sees it (myself included) made the remark, "Reckon that's a sign of a dead church?"
 Bob, (my better 3/4) , however, made this astute remark from his endless source of trivial knowledge: "They are standing in the light, absorbing it's warmth, before taking flight and starting their day. "
 They are indeed all facing the sunrise.
Even I can get the spiritual lesson from this one. 

So this week I'm starting each day with scripture and a prayer and I can testify that I am indeed  feeling the heat.