Putting on mascara

I think life is full of humor. I like it the most when it is someone else, but in this case it is me. I really should get someone to take a pic and post it of me putting on my mascara.

I have poor vision. OK, very poor vision.

An aside: I was hoping Emma would specialize in lasik surgery and help me out with this, but noooooo, she won't do it. Come on, Emma, what would it take; another 2 or 3 years of school?  It would work out great for me. I would probably be old enough for medicare to cover part of it by the time you completed your specialization. (Is that even a word?)

Back to the subject. I used to be able to put my makeup on without wearing my glasses or contacts. 
The vision became more impaired. I could see to apply my foundation and blush, but not my mascara. So I had to improvise. I perfected the technique of putting on my mascara with my glasses pushed a little ways down my nose. This gave me enough room for the mascara wand to do its job of making my whitey wisps into gloriously lush black fronds.

The vision became more impaired. I began to notice my foundation was on a little too heavy and the blush a little too bright when I would put my glasses on.  Hence, the contacts would go in and I would
put all my make-up on.  I discovered I needed to stop with the black fronds and try a more natural brownish color. (if brown can be considered natural on white eyelashes. I think it can because my hair is turning darker on the underside in the back and everyone thinks I just dye the top layer of my hair, so brown could be my natural color, right?)

The vision became more impaired. So I improvised. I bought a mirror that magnifies about 20,000 times.  I put on my glasses, find my contact case, take out the first contact, get it on the end of the right finger, take off my glasses, get the magnifying mirror and put in my contact. I can then see the case and can get the other contact in. Whew!

An aside: I can't tell you the number of times I have taken out my contacts, put my glasses on and found out I completely missed the contact case. I used to put the contacts in and screw the lid shut before I put on my glasses. This resulted in a contact being caught in the threads and being rendered unusable. A missed contact case is much better than a shredded contact.

Back to my subject.
 Next I put on my foundation and blush, pick up the mirror again and check for caked foundation and blushy bright spots. After this is corrected, I put on my mascara. This is where it gets tricky. You have to hold the wand in the right hand and the mirror in the left, with the mascara tube facing outward between a victory sign you make with the left hand. (this is to make sure you don't cover the hair beside your cheekbone and left eye with brown mascara. And you will hit your white hair every time with this glop if you hold it between your thumb and pointing finger. Trust me on this.)  Then you take a Qtip and get all the mascara you have smeared right above your lid line. (Something else I found out I was doing when I started implemented the magnifying mirror technique).
I am a bit worried. If my vision becomes more impaired I only have a few options.

1. Go without any makeup and risk scaring everyone I meet.
2. Hire a live-in makeup artist to put on my makeup. 
3. Growing my hair over my face.
4. Going with no makeup, no glasses, no contacts and having Bob lead me around everywhere.

Number one would not be conducive to a good self image.

Number two would be somewhat expensive.

Number three I am working on.  My hair, when combed to the front will hang to my chin. It is hot under there and I shed like a shetland pony.

Number four - Hunka Hunka would probably tell me I needed a service animal and would supply me with a wolverine or something else that I would think was a dog, but in reality was an animal that seeks out the weakest (in this case the blindest)  in a group to kill and destroy.

I think I better started taking Ocuvite and eating a lot of carrots.