Death Talk

Can you see what Hunka Hunka is doing?  

To me me it looks like he is unfolding a bodybag!

 I wonder who he plans to put in it?

 

The other day we were discussing how expensive funerals are. Because of the expense and our lack of life insurance, cremation seems to be an option for us. When I asked him what song he would like played at his memorial service he decided on "Were it Not for Grace".

It's a beautiful song about Jesus' grace and where we would be without it.

 He in turn asked me what song I would like.

I told him it didn't really matter; whatever would make him feel better.

He thought for a few SECONDS (not minutes, mind you)  and said,

 "I've got it. I know the perfect song!"

And with gusto he belted out  Alicia Key's, 'This Girl is on Fire".

 

I hope he was talking about the cremation process and not where he thinks I will wind up.

 

I told him I had changed my mind and would have "Burn,Baby,Burn"  played at his.

 

 

 

 

Talking to Ourselves

I know that as we age we tend to forget. Some forgetfulness seems to encompass all older adults. Just mention your memory problems around your peers and you get all kinds of stories; forgetting where you put your keys, forgetting why you walked to another room in the house, forgetting the name of an acquaintance, stopping at the end of the driveway to remember where you are going. A lot of this I am told is because older adults have mastered the art of cruise control. So little catches us by surprise that we literally coast through the day on auto-pilot.

But let me ask you....is it normal to be taking a shower and all of a sudden you are standing there looking clueless because you can't remember which body parts you have washed?  You reach up and feel your hair to see if you have shampoo in your hair, none there, so you assume you are farther along. For the life of me I couldn't figure it out so I just started all over again!  I hope I got everything washed, but who knows?  I hope I didn't stay in the shower an extremely long time, but who knows?  I hope this hasn't happened before, but who knows? 

Maybe that's why so many of us older folk talk to ourselves. It's not always because we want to converse with someone intelligent and funny. It's because we hope we are listening to ourselves so when we ask ourselves "now, what was I doing? now, where was I going? now, who is this?, now, what did I come in here to get?" that we will know the answer and answer ourselves.

Never too Old

Hunka Hunka has developed an interest in "pallet upcycling". That's fancy talk for the old phrase "turning trash into treasures". Or as I tell him it's taking junk nobody wants and making junk people want but don't need. (However, I have told him wifey has dibs on the shoe rack and the deck tables.)

For several months I have tried coaxing him into looking on Pinterest for pallet ideas. He thought he was too manly for Pinterest until I showed him a few pallet ideas. Now he has his own pinterest boards filled with all kinds of amazing wood projects. (I'm beginning to think I may have created a man who searches for Pinterest projects more than he actually works on projects.  Then again, who am I to judge when I have enough pins to decorate three or four homes complete with photos arranged on the wall, great walk-in closets, beautiful and spacious white kitchens, laundry rooms that do everything but wash clothes, and enough recipes that I will need a 12" binder for each category.)

I digress. I often come across a pin that makes me laugh out loud. Since something has to be really funny for me to laugh out loud he always says, "Well, if  it's that funny let me see it."  Tonight was a jackpot night for funny pins. Hunka Hunka asked me if you could literally put anything in the search engine and someone would have pinned it somehow. I told him I figured it was just as smart as Google, Yahoo, or Bing and everything would be on Pinterest because it was basically just shortcuts to websites and blogs.

And that's when I did it. I put the word "boogers" in the Pinterest search engine. No surprise that quite a few boards popped up. There seems to be a great snack called Boogers on a Stick. You learn something new everyday.

 And then I hit major paydirt. I found a pin telling me how to get dried boogers off the wall.  How did I make it 60 years without this knowledge.

Moral of the story. It is true that you are never too old to learn something new. It may be totally useless knowledge, but it is there for us if we just search for it.

And, no, I will not tell you how to get dried boogers off the wall. You can do the research yourself.

INTERVENTION TIME

It has been several months since I have posted on my blog. I have many reasons for this.
1.  I sit down with my laptop and decide to check my email before I get started.
2.  After spending 10 minutes checking my email I decide I might as well check
     Facebook and catch up on all my friend's lives.
3.  Two hours later (this once took much longer, but I have culled my friends down
      to 253. I hope if you're reading this that you made the cut) I decide I might as well
      play my Facebook Games.
     Yes, I am a Candy Crusher and a Words with Friend addict.
4.  One hour later I decide I might as well check out Pinterest since I have run out
     of lives on all my games.
5.  Three hours later I realize I am looking at some of the same Pins that I looked at
      the night before and check the clock on the wall. It is almost always 10:30 and
      I have to get my Jimmy Fallon fix.
6. Yikes! Now it's 11:30 and if I don't get to bed soon I won't have time to read my    
     novel before I go to sleep. (doesn't novel sound much more intellectual
     than saying book?)
7. My days are filled with babysitting grandkids and my weekends are filled
    with fishing, shopping and Criminal Minds marathons.
IT'S SUCH A VICIOUS CYCLE. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO DO AN INTERVENTION.

KFC Conundrum

Have you seen the latest KFC commercial? A family is sitting around the table enjoying their meal and the wife/mother looks at you and says something like this

 "tonight it's all about me and that means no cooking." 

 But did you notice what an awful wife/mother she is?

 It's OK by me for her to take the night off from cooking and it's even OK by me for the kids and hubby to eat greasy take-out. I've been there and done that more times than the average mom/wife.  But somewhere along the line this lady failed.

. The family gets to wolf this humongous Kentucky Fried Chicken meal

 with all the fixings down  and they have to do it without anything to drink.

 Is Mom the only one that knows how to put something to drink on the table and everyone

 has to do without when she has a night off from cooking?

 Did they forget to buy the drinks, were the drinks too expensive,

 are they a liquid-free family,

 or were they all too lazy to at least get a glass of water for everyone?

 Maybe a beverage is a special treat in this household or is saved for

 birthdays and anniversaries.

 Do you think they eat their snacks without liquid sustenance?

I can't help but wonder what advertising agency decided

 that your average family  sitting around the dinner table looks better

 with no tea, cola, spirits, or water on the table?

 It's a conundrum I may never solve.

Hunka Hunka is so Confused!

Since it has been a couple of weeks since we've been fishing we threw the fishing rods

and trolling motor in the back of the truck along with the battery and

 the tackle box (and a snack) and we headed to the pond..

OKAY, OKAY, we all know Bob got everything ready but the snack.

 But let's face it, I do snacks a lot better than I do organizing a truckbed.

 

 Anyway, it was a great day for fishing. Thank you God for letting it be an overcast sky. I forgot to put on sunscreen which usually means I become a shade dweller while fishing. And I don't like to do that because half the fun of fishing with Bob is sitting in the back of the boat thinking up ways to either aggravate him (SEE LIST BELOW) or to make him laugh.

 

Anyway, I found out today that sweet Hunka Hunka is so confused. He was a bass fisherman when I first met him and has been a bass fisherman for the past 40 years. I can't even think about how much money we have invested in rods, reels, tackle, boats and snacks! 

 But today he just couldn't seem to remember what we were there for

.

Anyway,  he starts off fishing with a Zebco. WHAAAT? That's right, the Ambassador, the Shimanos, and the recently acquired AbuGarcia were left unused. The lowly, cheap Zebco was the star of the show today. First Hunka Hunka catches a stickfish.(for you nonfishing peeps,

 a stickfish is a stick or limb you hook and get into the boat.

 Anything you hook has to make it inside the boat to count in the lineup)

 

Anyway, the first water swimmer he catches is a turtle measuring about 7 inches across. That's right, folks, a turtle. He hooks the creature not in the mouth but under the front shell super close to its mouth. I never knew turtles could hiss and try to attack while hanging in the air.  Next on the agenda is a few bream and a shellcracker or two. Becoming even more confused, he adds a catfish to the lineup. Then he reaches up and snags a cork someone

left hanging in the brush hanging over the water.

 

Anyway, he FINALLY catches a bass, but it is only about 5 inches long. (unbelievably this was bigger than one of the bass I caught with my breambuster) 

 He catches a crappie and the big bass of the day  (a little over a pound). 

Sometime during the day he also catches a shrub. 

But he didn't get the shrub into the boat so I don't guess it counts.

 

Hunka Hunka has always told me that there is definitely a difference in rods and reels. Today I found this to be true. Baitcasting reels know that they are to be used with artificial bait to catch bass. Zebco combos don't know what in the world they were manufactured for so they catch at least one of everything they can and make the user look like they are a confused fisherman that doesn't know what he came to the pond to fish for.

WAYS TO AGGRAVATE A HUSBAND WHILE FISHING AN ALUMINUM BOAT
1.Clean the moss off  your artifical worm  by splashing it in the water sideways and spraying water   over your hubby; more than once or twice.
2. Cast your line towards the front of the boat and let your line fall at the top of his ear.
3. Sing.
3. Always add an extra fish to your count and always subtract one from his count. And, yes, it is always a competition to see who catches the most.
4.  Cast over his line.
5. Spill earthworms all over the boat.
6. Freak out because you are close to a spiderweb. (he claims most of these are worm webs, but it looks like a spider web so it counts as a spiderweb.)
7. Act like he almost hit you in the face when he swings his rod back to cast.
8. Put anything at all on top of the battery.
9. Tickle the back of his neck with the tail end of your worm; more than once or twice.
10. Sprinkle cold water from the ice chest over him.

to poo or not to poo? that is the question.

Today I'd like to discuss something that has been bothering me for most of my adult life.

 

During my lifetime I have visited numerous public restrooms. 

 

I have been to the awful smelling restrooms at football games and wondered how a room

with open windows could possible manufacture such an odor.

 

 I have been to hospital restrooms that smelled so strongly of disinfectant that it

 burned my eyes and yet it didn't quite mask that same odor

 I smelled at the football restroom.

 

 I have been to service station bathrooms that would gag a maggot. 

 

Movie theater bathrooms usually smell of  burned popcorn.

 

The bathroom at my daughter's orthodontist smelled like a

 super strand

 of grape potpourri.

 (I've never understood how anyone ever came up with a grape scent.

 I've never eaten grapes that had much odor.  Do the grape smell test in the privacy of your own home. You can get funny looks in public. Just saying) 

 

I've been to elementary school bathrooms in my tender single-digit years that smelled like that oily red stuff they would sprinkle on wet stuff (mainly wet stuff like puke, vomit, throw-up; whatever you want to call it) and in my double-digit years the high school bathrooms smelled like an old lady's powder puff. I think the high school smell was a combination of  hair spray, cologne, deodorant, etc. mixed with the you-know-what smell. 

 

The bathrooms at my church smell nice. (The lady that cleans uses a Renuzit fragrance that I like.)

 

 I've been to the bathroom at the IGA in my hometown and it is always clean and smells OK. 

 

Chinese restaurant bathrooms for some reason always smell not exactly sour,

 but more like they never rinse the mops. 

 

The restrooms at Mexican restaurants are usually clean, but it almost always has only one toilet. (it's like they don't know what Mexican food does to the digestive system of the majority of Americans.) 

 

 The old police station bathroom I visited smelled like old wood and Pine-Sol.

(No, you may not ask how I came to find this out.) 

 

But my quandary is this: Why, in a public restroom,  can we ladies tee-tee and not poo-poo and toot?  How did we as American women evolve into ladies who could tee-tee in a stall next to a friend or complete stranger and never give it a thought; after all it is a natural biological function and everybody does it.  However, it is a major, major, major faux pas to let out a tiny bubble of gassy air or a little poo-poo. Who got to decide this was a no-no? I have spent a few painful moments waiting for a restroom to empty  (and you can wait forever for a WalMart bathroom to empty.) 

I bet men don't have these problems.